Guest Blog by Rev Martin Abrams, Hospital Chaplain & Spiritual Care and Chaplaincy Manager, MWL Teaching Hospitals, including Southport Hospital
As we approach Christmas for many it is a wonderful time of joy and celebration.
For others it is a time of sadness and heightened grief.
For many it is a bit of both!
Of course the last year for Southport has been a year of sadness for many. This was particularly so following the horrific events of July 29th.
Most years I write a reflection on grief to be used at some of the memorial and remembrance services I am privileged to lead.
The year is no exception, and I wrote the following called “It’s Your Grief”. My wonderful NHS coach has encouraged me to share my thoughts more and so I offer this in all humility for anyone who may find it helpful.
It’s Your Grief
It’s your grief, simple as that. “It’s Your grief”.
It did not come as a friend but imposed itself on you in a life changing moment.
There is no draft, no outline, no blueprint for how you should feel. It’s your grief and it is unique for you.
This truth can be both liberating, and frightening. Liberating, because there are no rules or boundaries, for it’s your grief.
Frightening because you have no model, no precedent to fall back on. There is no guidebook for it’s your grief.
There will be those who journey with you, with amazing gifts of compassion and empathy.
They will take time to understand your feelings and never judge. But it’s still your grief.
We may learn our grief can be lived with.
We may learn our grief will change – two hours, two days, two weeks, two months, two years will never be the same.
It is worth embracing our grief, learning about our grief, making a friend of our grief for that way we can move forward and begin to understand ourselves.
We may learn our grief can change us. We may notice one moment we’re doing fine, the next we are broken all over again.
We may notice one moment we’re laughing, the next the tears are flowing.
Around Christmas these feelings may be exaggerated! One moment I may appear fine, I may even be fine! The next moment the roar of grief will be sounding, and my mood will change in an instant.
Such is the nature of grief.
It is your grief. Do not fear it. Do what it asks of you. Do what you need to do.
In time, although you may wish you had never met your grief, you may begin to like the new you it is creating.
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